


You're Pretty Lively For A Dead Person By Armor For Sleep

by Holy_Leonards_After_Dark (Holy_Leonards)



Category: Fallout 4
Genre: After Sex Cigarettes, Butt Explosions, Cheating, Coca Cola, Crack, Guns, Haunted Condom, Haunting, He does everything analy, Kiss Band - Freeform, M/M, Possession, ghost - Freeform, safe sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-11
Updated: 2016-06-11
Packaged: 2018-07-14 09:56:01
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,034
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7166465
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Holy_Leonards/pseuds/Holy_Leonards_After_Dark
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A wonderful tale told to Nick about the time he got possessed.</p>
            </blockquote>





	You're Pretty Lively For A Dead Person By Armor For Sleep

“You’re pretty lively for a dead person,” Nate said, taking in the afterglow cigarette smoke into his lungs. _Nick had the right idea…_ he thought. _In this world, who gives a shit about lung health._

Around the two bedfellows, coolant and blood. Danse watched the duo, but saw nothing. Light from the ignited cigarette reflected off his lifeless eyes.

Nate turned to ‘Nick’. It was the detective’s form, his shape, but not his conscious. It didn’t move like Nick had moved, and it didn’t smoke like him either…

“Smoking ages your skin. I don’t indulge in nicotine orally.”

This was not Nick Valentine.

“What? Do you use the patch? Or the gum?”

Valentine’s body reached out, plucking the light from Nate’s hand. “I do it anally.”

Nate watched in shock as the familiar, mechanical hand stuffed the cowboy killer into the even more familiar entrance. “That’s- That’s some skill you have there, uh… What’s your name again?”

“Some lover you are.” Anti-Valentine grumbled, as it put out the cigarette, crushing it against the metal bed frame. A spark fell onto the synthetic flesh, burning a hole. “My name is Charles Goodyear, inventor of vulcanized rubber.”

“Live long and prosper. It sure must have been a good year when you invented the rubber, eh?”

Charles looked at the greasy, scruffy man for a moment, than punched him in the face. There was a crack, the jaw breaking.  
“Fuck! My Jaw!”

“Not without a condom, I wont.” What once was Nick’s face cringed. “Fuck!” The vulcanizer clutched his head.

“Wha?” Nate said, to the best of his abilities.

The expression contorted to utter confusion. “Nate? Why is there a hole burned into my pretty hand? Why does my ass hurt? Why do I feel like I have an anally-acquired addiction?”

Nate began telling the story in great detail.

It was the dead of night. Danse and Nate had taken shelter in one of the tattered houses that littered the Commonwealth. Most buildings had been robbed long ago, but this place was completely undisturbed.

Nate was planning on cheating on Nick, yet again.

_“Dammit, Nate!” Nick’s voice echoed through the memory._

_“Remember Rod Serling – Serling – Serling – Serling...”_

_“Why are you repeating ‘Serling?’”_

_“For the echo effect.”_

_“It does that automatically, dummy!”_

“Danse, look!” Nate plopped down on the bed. A puff of dust filled the room. “A bed.”

Two bushy brows turned to Nate’s direction.

“It’s. Got. Blankets.” He said as he smirked. _60 Minute Man_ kicked on the radio. “I know you’re, like, scared of the dark or something. It’s cute. Sleep with me. Do it.”

“Ever since Cutler died, I’ve seen soldiers come and go. Some were brave, some were honest… Hell, some were even downright heroic. But I’d never considered any of them to be a good friend, a friend like Cutler… until now.”

“Friends?” Nate said with disgust. He got up from the bed, heading towards the armor workstation.

“Where are you going?”

“I’m going to milk you for likes.”

“Oh no!”

“Oh yes!”

[Danse liked that.]

[Danse liked that.]

[Danse liked that.]

[Danse liked that.]

[Danse liked that.]

[Danse liked that.]

[Danse liked that.]

[Danse liked that.]

[Danse liked that.]

[Danse liked that.]

[Danse liked that.]

[Danse liked that.]

Nate left the workstation with some sweet gear, and a former-Paladin’s heart.

Hand in hand, Nate lead the other man to the bed. Pushing him down onto the sheets, their hips rocked together.

_“_ _Nate, you’re such a bitch,” Nick’s voice added. “I swear to God, I’m moving in with DiMA.”_

“Wait a second,” Nate said as he sat up, away from the sweaty, self-hating racist. “There’s got to be lube in here somewhere.”

He turned his pack upside down. Bullets and guns spilled onto the floor, scattering. “Shit!” Nate groaned. “At this rate, the only gun that’ll be going off tonight is one of these.” He kicked an assault rifle out of the way, making a round go off.

Danse looked confused. Those bushy, bushy eyebrows - those great, flaming eyebrows knitting together. “What other guns are there?”

“Love guns, Danse. Love guns. Didn’t you ever listen to the Kiss song?”

“No? Kiss sucked and everyone knows it.”

“Exactly.”

Nate’s Pipboy pipped up. “Now playing Love Gun by Kiss.”

No place for hiding, baby.

No place to run.

You pull the trigger of my...

Love gun, (love gun)

 

“I’m very uncomfortable,” stated Danse.

“Siri, you stupid fuck, stop!” He frantically pressed buttons. “Play something less creepy.”

 

Hey everybody, did the news get around

About a guy named Butcher Pete…

 

“Siri! I said less creepy, not more!”

“The logic of this song concerns me. I mean, why did they let Pete out when they found him committing the same crime in jail?”

“I give up!” Nate chucked his Pipboy out the window. “What was I looking for again?”

“Lube?”

“Oh, yes!” He resumed kicking guns about the room.

“Maybe,” Danse said, covering his sweet bara tiddies with the blanket. “Maybe, there’s some in the bedside stand.”

“You’re a genius, Danse!” Nate kissed the Gen 3 on both cheeks. His ass cheeks, I mean.

The drawer slid out with ease. “Oh, shit, yes.” Nate pulled out lube in every flavor, color, and temperature. “That’s the good stuff,” he added as he found a dildo. “Whoever lived here knew how to have a good time!”

“That’s not going inside me.”

“Pussy.”

“ : O ”

“Colono to you too, buddy.”

Nate produced one condom. The packaging was spooky, with little ghosts on it. “Only a poor boob pays his money, loses his watch, gets the syph, and brags that he’s had a good time.”

“What’s the syph?”

“Something I got during the war.”

Nate opened the packaging with his teeth (Bad!), producing a scary, purple condom. “It’s pre-lubricated.” He wrinkled his nose. “It smells used!”

Danse looked uneasy.

“Heh! Oh, well!” He rolled it on. “Bombs away!”

Before the cock could sink into Danse’s sinkhole, Nate’s dick bent at an uncomfortable angle. “Ow, oh! I feel like Tricky Dick Nixon?” He shrugged, and tried again. This time, it bent the other direction, harsher this time. “Owie!” He clutched the metal frame.

“Jinkies!”

“Junkies is right, baby!” Sweating, he repositioned himself. “Third time’s the charm…. Ow! Ow! Ow!!!”

“Enough!” The two looked down, horrified, eyes as big as dinner plates. The condom was speaking with a wrinkle in the tip. “I refuse to be inside synthetic flesh!”

Nate screamed, and decked the purple condom. “Ow!!! Fuck! Let’s try that again!”

Finally, the dick slid in. “Ow, yeah.”

“Faster, Nate! Harder!”

“You like that, baby?”

Danse was faking an orgasm. In reality, the condom’s texture was rough, like it had been ribbed, but the once-soft latex had solidified.

“Uh.” A sound of discomfort.

“Danse? Have you put on some weight in the last couple of seconds?”

There’s an explosion. Chunks of flesh and smoke fly in all directions, painting the room brown speckled red. Danse’s ass had been blown to smithereens. “Wow, today just isn’t my carousel ride, is it?”

The condom asks, “What the fuck are you talking about?”

_“That’s where you came in, Nick.” Nate’s voice breaks through the story._

_“_ I heard your sluttish ways all across the Commonwealth,” The detective said, pulling a gun on his lover.

“I am so sick of guns, right now.”

“Huh?” Nick said, as he slipped on a double barrel shot gun. “Oof!”

There was a growl in the room. “Uh, Nate… is your dick making noises?” It was. Like a chihuahua, the condom was twisting and barking. It even looked like an overstuffed sausage too.

“Your dick’s never made that sound for me,” Nick said in an accusatory tone.

The condom slipped of the penis, and flew through the air. It landed on Valentine’s face. “Oh god! Get it off me!” He kicked and screamed, then went still.

“Nick? Nick!? Oh, God! Please, Nick don’t be dead!” Nate started sobbing.

_“_ _Oh, baby,” Nick interrupted the narration again. “You really do love me!”_

“I can’t have two out of four paramours dead! It’s going to be so hard to explain to Rod and John why I’m paying for your funerals!”

_“You know what? Fuck you, Nate. Just fuck you!”_

_“Shut the Hell up, Nick!”_

Time marched on. Night faded with a breath of sunshine. Mutated birds began their gruff songs. Still, Nick Valentine did not move.

“It feels like I’ve been awake for days,” Nate said, rubbing red eyes.

The man sat up. As the bed springs creaked, the body started to stir.

“Nick? Are you okay?”

“Who you calling Nick? The name’s Charles. I’m living in this body now.”

Nate stared.

“This is mine now,” he said, moving his hands up and down his body, unintentionally sexy.

“Nice.” The man eyed the remnants of his past love. _This will be just fine…_ Nate decided. He approached the other.

“Hey! What’s this? Let go of me!”

“Geez, fine. No sex then.” Nate crossed his arms.

“Sex? You and me? I don’t wanna fuck you, Nate!”

“You mean you don’t want to fornicate and engage in premarital sexual relations?”

“Oh… That’s what sex means?” A bulge was starting to form in former-Nick’s trousers. “Dear God! All the fornicating I’d turned down!” A tear rolled down the synthetic cheek, cleaning the path.

The sad expression was replaced with a lustful look. “You know,” he began rubbing his chest and thighs. “Back in the 1800s...” Sexy music began playing. “It was illegal for two men to engage in three to one. Sure there was no chance of making feet for children’s stockings, but it’s so fun anyway! God, it’s been so long since I’ve had my corn ground!”

“Get to it! Enough with these creepy old euphemisms!”

“As I said, back in my day,” A disco ball descended from the ceiling. Charles’ dance getting saucier and saucier. “It was illegal for two men to wind each other’s balls of yarn. It was always a dirty, dirty fantasy of mine for a bunch of old men to get around me, and start biting, and beating me off alive.”

“I’m an old man.”

“Just call me St. George!”

“Okay, but I warn you, it will feel just like drinking an icy cold Coca-Cola.”

“What's a Coca-Co-umpf!”

Nate shoved an open bottle into his mouth and the not-Nick started suckling it like a baby. Then, he started coughing.

“Haha, Charles, choking to death is real funny.”

“I'm sorry, Nate.”

They both looked sad, then they remembered that fornicating was about to happen so they swapped the sad looks for lusty ones.

“Oh, Charles, make my year!”

“What?”

“Make it...GOOD!”

“My god you future men are terribly lame.”

“I'm sorry I didn't grow up when horse shit was a three course meal!”

Charles dove onto Nate and started making out with him like it would bring him back to life. It felt like it was going to! The ghostly pleasure from the kissing was enough to make him blow his ectoplasmic load all over the now dark red and brown colored room. But, he maintained his discipline.

Nate rolled him onto his stomach and pulled down the pants.

“Down the hatch, ghost boy.”

“Weeee!”

Nate stuck it in and there was another explosion. This time, it painted the room a glowing green.

“God dammit! Another fatality caused by my dick!”

He stood up and kicked another gun which caused it to spin and hit the wall. As it hit the wall, the barrel was angled just right so it was pointing at Nick's foot. The impact caused it to go off and he lost his foot.

“What a fucking fantastic year, Goodyear!”

“I know, right?”

Nate was shocked. Charles had made it. But the green goo?

He looked over and saw that it wasn't coolant, but the ectoplasm.

“Mister, you showed me a wonderful good time. I can't believe I never did that in my mortal years.”

“You were wild, Charles. You're pretty lively for a dead person.”

 

 

“And that's what happened, Nick buddy.”

“Wooooooow.”

“I know!”

“All in my body?”

“Yep!”

“Well that explains the empty ecotplasm tanks.”

Nate looks into the camera, horrified.

[Cut to Night Gallery credits]

 


End file.
